January

To stay alive amongst the death and dying of winter.... To be awake and energized while the long blackness of night surrounds you for so many hours......... To day after day climb out of he dark cold abyss of apathy and depression to go to work to earn money to live a life that offers so incredibly little to so few. To have given your energy, your love, your life to someone to have them take it and handle it like an insignificant piece of refuse. To be with someone for well over half your life and not feel connected to them. Well, it's just hard. But not hard like starving, or having a terminal illness or living under tyranny, or being physically abused. So I feel guilty on top of it all for feeling badly about things that are so small.

I have come to hate January and February because their darkness acts upon my emotions like a magnifying glass making all the negatives larger than life. These months are like unwelcome guests that come and stay at your house, and you as host, are required to be pleasant and put up with them, but you really just want them to go away and disappear somewhere and never come back.


I took a shower and dressed, the dog got walked and the salad got made and if that's all that happens today, I'll be grateful for it.