Catholic conundrums

So, once again, the topic of organized religion comes up and not in a pleasant way. As background, I do struggle with Christian creeds and doctrines and theologies and the lack of "wiggle room" in church thinking. I am amazed at how people find such comfort in the belief that by following prescribed rites and rituals and rules, their lemming-like behavior in itself will somehow earn them an accumulation of a kind of holy brownie points they can turn in for guaranteed admission to a preferred after-life society down the road. I find, especially with Catholics, there is a tendency to ignore self-reflection and certainly a tendency to rarely question the myriad incongruities that exist between religious doctrine and the humanity of real life. They readily turn a blind eye to the hypocrisy of the leadership, and often judge others not by their personal actions but by their religious card carrying status.

The scenario I discuss today consists of a Catholic woman, married for 20 years, divorced and re-married to a second husband for 30 years. (She could not marry in the Catholic church this second time presumably because of the first divorce and the 2nd husband not being Catholic). Her current husband, for whom this is a second marriage as well, is in poor health, and she now requests that he have his first marriage annulled. So, not understanding the Catholic religion myself, why does she ask this? After 30 years of marriage to this man, she worries about how it will look to have never had her 2nd marriage blessed by the church? Or is there some kind of afterlife fear for her if he dies without the annulment in place? Does the woman feel a need to save face or save soul? I find this unreasonable and selfish.

So reading more about this on a Catholic website I find the following:

A declaration of nullity states that, according to Church law, a given marriage was not valid (and therefore not binding) at the time a couple spoke their marriage vows.


How does a Catholic governing body have the right to declare that the marriage of two people some fifty years ago is now invalid? (And, as an aside, what does that mean for the children that were born of that marriage?) This family never was Catholic yet, somehow these Catholic strangers have a right to delve into their personal affairs of another time and determine there was no validity to the marriage union? So the marriage of this man and his ex-wife, whose lives were legally and emotionally blended for over 25 years (and to their credit continue to be humanely and compassionately blended for yet another 25 since the divorce), was invalid from the beginning! Amazing!

And I also find amazing this woman who is asking this family to go along with this thinking for her sake and her sake alone. A request that an entire family be "nullified" for a single individual. What am I missing here in her thinking? Can someone who is Catholic help me to understand this?

Whatever this governing body decides won't change the family, their relationship, their past or their future. This decree of annulment may give the woman peace of mind (and really, who can be upset with the creation of peace in any way, shape, or form), but isn't this whole concept of annulment a bit ludicrous? Thoughts?